if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
