I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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