is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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