How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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