I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
