lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize