I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize