are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
