I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
