What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize