Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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