we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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