Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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