at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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