i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
