I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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