I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
