I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
