Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
