I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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