i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize