so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
