I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
