I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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