you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
