i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
