omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
