all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
