I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
