Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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