You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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