I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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