When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
