What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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