I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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