I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
