how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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