I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
