you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
