best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
