do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
