Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
