You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
