Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
