He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
