Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
