Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize