You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
