You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
