she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
