There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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