So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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