She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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