the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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