I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
