You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
