finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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