I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
mondays should just be called national damage control day
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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