you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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