and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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