that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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