He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
