Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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