i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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