I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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