I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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