Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My life is pants optional.
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