We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
