were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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