how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
