jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
