It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
