the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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