If that was your dad, he is hot
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
