As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
