she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
