Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
