sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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