I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
