Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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