Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she told me i tasted like america
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
