The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
