this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize